Domestic Violence Awareness Month

The Top 10 Mistakes Professional Women Make When Strategically Planning Their Lives: How Domestic Violence Survivors Modify Their Approach

This is the last weekend of October and a topic near and dear to my heart personally with family history of domestic violence.

Grab your journal and your The LOTUS Within book (https://www.amazon.com/LOTUS-Within-Purpose-Ignite-Passion/dp/B0DDRDXB89 ).

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time to reflect on the strength, resilience, and stories of survival for those who have endured abuse. In my book, The LOTUS Within, I delve into how women, especially those who have faced domestic abuse, can rewrite their narratives and transform their lives. One of the most important elements of this process is strategic planning, not just for career or personal growth but for emotional healing and reclaiming their sense of self.

Many women, whether survivors of abuse or not, struggle with balancing their personal needs with external demands. In The LOTUS Within, I outline the top 10 common mistakes that professional women make when it comes to life planning, particularly when they forget to prioritize their own well-being. However, for women in domestic abuse situations, these challenges are compounded by trauma and a lifetime of learned behaviors that make prioritizing themselves feel nearly impossible.

Let’s revisit those top 10 mistakes, and consider how they may resonate differently for those who’ve been through domestic abuse:

1. Not taking the time to reflect on values and passions before making life decisions

   For many survivors, it can be difficult to even remember what they love, as the abuser has often controlled or suppressed their passions. This is where journaling can be powerful—taking small steps to rediscover what you love, without judgment or fear, is the first step toward reclaiming your life.

   
   

2. Failing to prioritize self-care and neglecting physical, mental, and emotional health

   Abuse takes a huge toll on the mind, body, and spirit. For survivors, prioritizing self-care may feel indulgent or unearned. But healing requires focus on health and recovery. Prioritize small acts of self-care, like deep breathing, nourishing foods, or seeking therapy—healing starts with one small step.

   
   

3. Overcommitting and taking on too many responsibilities

   Abusers often create an environment where the victim feels responsible for everything and everyone. Survivors may continue this pattern post-abuse, feeling like they must fix everything. Learning how to set boundaries and say no is crucial for healing and reclaiming personal power.

   
   

4. Not setting clear goals and objectives for personal and professional purposes Setting clear, achievable goals can feel overwhelming after trauma. But it’s essential. Start small and work on setting goals for yourself—not just to survive, but to thrive. It might mean simply aiming to get through the day with a sense of peace or enrolling in a course to rebuild your confidence.

   
   

5. Being too rigid in plans and failing to adapt to changing circumstances Survivors are often forced to adapt to constant chaos. It can be tempting to want to control every aspect of life after the abuse ends. But flexibility is key to finding healing. Life will throw curveballs—learn to bend without breaking.

   
   

6. Not delegating tasks effectively or failing to ask for help when needed

   Many survivors have lived with the false belief that they are responsible for everything, and that asking for help is a sign of weakness. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Seeking support is a courageous step toward regaining independence and strength.

   
   

7. Failing to recognize the importance of downtime and relaxation in preventing burnout

   Healing takes time. Survivors need to allow themselves time to rest, reflect, and recharge. It’s okay to not be productive every minute of every day. Give yourself permission to simply be without guilt.

   
   

8. Getting caught up in minor tasks and losing sight of the bigger picture Abusers often keep victims focused on small tasks or distractions, to prevent them from seeing the bigger picture. After escaping abuse, it’s important to break free from that mindset. Focus on the long-term goals that matter most: healing, independence, joy, and self-love.

   
   

9. Procrastinating or putting off important tasks until the last minute

   Trauma can lead to chronic procrastination, often as a way of avoiding overwhelming feelings. But procrastination can also prolong healing. Try breaking down tasks into manageable steps and acknowledge every small victory.

   
   

10. Being unrealistic about the time and energy needed for tasks and responsibilities

    Overestimating your ability to juggle too many tasks can lead to burnout, especially for those healing from trauma. It’s essential to be gentle with yourself, acknowledging that healing and progress take time. Reevaluate your energy reserves, and don’t push yourself beyond your limits.

    
    

Domestic Violence and Life Planning: A Healing Journey

For women recovering from domestic violence, modifying these mistakes is not about achieving perfection but about learning to take back control of your life at your own pace. It’s about setting boundaries, being kind to yourself, and creating a space where you can thrive. And with that, I want to encourage you to use the following prompts for journal writing as a part of your healing journey:

Journal Prompts:

1. Reflect on the moments when you’ve failed to prioritize yourself. What were the consequences? How did that feel?

2. What is one small thing you can do this week to start putting yourself first? It could be as simple as scheduling time for rest.

3. Think about a goal you’ve always wanted to pursue but have put off. What’s one small step you can take toward it today?

4. When you feel overwhelmed, how do you usually react? What can you do differently to care for yourself in those moments?

5. Write about a time when you asked for help and felt empowered by it. How can you allow yourself to lean on others more often?

   
   

Remember: Healing is a journey, and every step you take toward prioritizing yourself is a victory. Take the time to reflect, to heal, and to plan your life in a way that honors you.

Stay tuned for more insights from The LOTUS Within, and know that your path to healing is valid, unique, and beautiful. 🌸

With solidarity and empathy,

Amelia Duran-Stanton

Author of The LOTUS Within